Wednesday, May 31, 2006

And the lag of the jet begins

Im not entirely certain that its possible to actually begin jet lag before you leave the airport but it really does feel like its setting in. Mind you I think i have only had an hour or 2 of sleep on the crap train that trundled me here like lost baggage.

So here i am on the interweb once again my lovely pravonians. £1 bought me ten minutes of blog time and a quick email check. Its 7 o'fuckingstupid'clock. Im just grumpy cuz i havent had any sleep and i have the post MiccyD's breakfast remorse. You have all done it dont you look at me with those accusing eyes. Yes i saw Biggie Size me. Shush.

Dont have a whole helluva lot of time left but i DO have 2.5 hours to kill here in Gatwick. The airport to end all airports. This is the sort of place i believe Hitchhikers Guide had in mind for the politely chatty doors and spaceships on the tarmak for a 1000 years or whatever. Its a weird world of duty free, coffee and the most uncomfortable chairs known to man. They DO realize that people end up spending a lot of time here in limbo/perguatory land dont they? A few cushy chairs wouldnt break the feckin bank.

I did a few art pieces on airports actually. Pergatory and crossroads and all that. In a place you dont want to be to go someplace else. And in this case the journey is not as important as the destination as the journey is made as uncomfortable as possible. Im passed that work now tho.

But im down to 30seconds so i reckon ill log off...

cheers

p

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Bone Weary

Its a rather dramatic title. Maybe too much so.. but i do actually feel the definition of the word weary right now. Perhaps im just having a bad day out of my 'good days and bad days' but i look around me at the carnage i have wrought and see naught but disarray, clumsiness, and botched attempts at being ... i dunno... real i guess.

I feel clumsy... and altho i am sincere and honest in everything ive got left in me, i think it might be working against me. My problems are my problems and sharing them or leaning on other people isnt always the best of ideas. Those other people also have problems, and perhaps they don't really need me burdoning them even more. Most people have full plates of their own.

Im not sure what i want... but i do know i need this trip to canada. It couldnt come at a better time. Family and friends and distance... from everything.. work, life here... im just gonna check out for a couple weeks. Leave my key at the desk and hope room service puts a mint on my pillow. I'll come back... im fairly certain. Im not about to chuck 5 years away because things arent going ticketyboo... but what i come back to... i hope will be clearer. I need direction, a goal, a plan, a purpose.

Everyone i suppose has periods of lacklustre living. Its natural... twisting in the breeze with no direction or end in sight. Of course these periods end. How they end, not sure, could be out of some action you can take of your own accord... or perhaps fate intervenes and puts something new in your path. Or perhaps you're fated to take action.. blah blah blah. dunno. And WHAT action? new job? new city? new friends? new... newness? i think im gonna get a tatoo. Its stupid and senseless but new and permanent. I could use a concrete decision that has a clear result. Might be refreshing :) And some would say immature. hell im 32... these decisions are usually made in the angsty teen years... i think i missed out on those to a large extent.

well... time for the topic tangent of the day...
Drinking 3 pints of Hobgoblin is a good thing... at 5% its a fun thing... at 1am deciding youre done... and then having a glass of wine... is a bad thing.

cheers

p

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Addendum

Heres a little update to the State of Union Address.

Since my last post I have spoken to Q-tip. And although there is still minor paranoia in the background static, many latent worries and panics were put to rest. I really am my own worst enemy. DAMN my piscies-ness. or however its spelled... its 11:40 and im drunk...

Also since the last post i went to see Xmen3 with Elf. Sitting in a theatre, bag of popcorn, coke and some chocolate... i felt like the old me for the first time in about 6-8 months. Simple happiness in simple things. Although that sounds a bit... 'simple' that is what i strive for.

And since then ive been out and about more than normal by far. My desire to reduce the tummy hasnt been very successful as the real ales seem to be my kryptonite. But good company and good times are a balm ive needed for some time.

Tomorrow i need to meet up with Q-tip and arrange things for when im in Canada.

The elf will be minding the flat and sitting the fish. Bless her... i realized it could be quite a hassle for her well after i asked and she accepted. But she has things in her life that a little hideaway for a week or two would help.

Im off to canada in like 48 hours. I still have to pack... and do all the laundry and make the flat livable before i go. But barring any freaky unforseen events everything should be ticketyboo.

Its late.. im tired and goin to sleep.. nite nite!

p

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Every hour on the hour

Well I thought i would give the world (all 3 of you) an update on the Welfare of the State of Pravo. Sort of like a state of the union address. Only im not a retard like Bush is. (yes this is debatable)

More or less my day consists of getting up, being way to introspective for my own good, at times mumbling to myself on the walk to work, then CATCHING myself mumbling to myself and telling myself off... I have turned into one of those crazies. Well at least I can hold on to my hygiene. Most crazies smell of stale gin and sweat. My gin smell is fresh and i shower.

At work its both good and bad. Its a very very slow time of year. In the mornings i busy myself with the few tasks at hand and write emails/blogs/or msn chatting. The afternoons arent awesome. The deadzone is 3pm. 3pm has recently been discovered as a time displacement hour. That hour is actually on average 3 days long. Its directly in proportion to the inverse log of the hour over the rate of work to idleness ratio. So its slightly different for different people. Fortunate people like Q-tip have VERY busy jobs and I reckon there are times she doesnt even notice 3pm come and go.

Speaking of Q-tip. I worry myself sick over her. We aren't speaking at all. This is both good and bad. Bad because I miss her voice and if something sour comes down the grapevine of shite that seems to invade my life I could just give her a quick call and chat. But its also good i guess. We do need time apart, i have no idea how much time and i reckon that that decision will be up to Q-tip. I just worry that the more time that passes the easier it would be to write eachother out of our lives completely. And that would really really suck. I wont call her because I'm afraid I will hurt her again. The girl has so much on her plate as it is she REALLY doesnt need my interference and usual bunglings to upset her balance.

One of the last few times i called I mentioned something that I intended in a completely different way but was actually so incredibly insensative and STOOPID to say that I am quite ashamed of myself. No matter how i meant it it shouldnt have been said even if it was known. So although im not being very clear to you.. my listening public, I am trying to point out that I seem to be more hinderence than help for Q-tip at this time. I would love to help in some way but perhaps that way is just staying away, i would like it if it wasnt. I dunno. Time will tell i guess. Its the waiting that hurts. And the knowledge that I hurt her.

So back to my union address i guess... evenings are getting better. I have my ups and downs, more downs than ups but I have a few shining friends who rescue me when its gets really bad. I feel bad for them sometimes as they seem to always have to pull me outta some stupid mental pile of shite ive made for myself.

Most of my mental state is filled with a mild panic, a good does of worry and a touch of fear. This is not a pity party but more a way for me to try to verbally nail down whats going on, categorize it and try to deal with it. Im not built for being alone... im pretty sure of that... but i am ALSO in no state to be with anyone. I reckon that being able to be with yourself and have a peace and quiet is the only way you can be with someone else successfully. I used to have that, but its gone now... i can see it peeking around the corners of my mind and dodging away whenever it sees me looking but i can also see it slowly coming back. Again Time. Time time time.

I live very near a church now. Its a lovely church with an amazing graveyard and grounds. But i think the bell ringers are on speed. The clock tower next to the church is also religious in its chiming on the hour every hour. On sundays though the cacophony of noise that bombards the flat is impressively manic. Its like Time lost his keys, is running around the flat, swearing and kicking things to find em as he is getting later and later for an appointment or something.

So, in my evenings i try to occupy my mind with something. Ive been reading alot again which helps. And although im a bit poor i still manage to scrape together a little cash here and there to paint some new models. I dont have internet still which probably would really help me out. Just knowing i can talk to people would help. Sort of a security blanket. Ya its not very mature but then im not feeling all that grown up these days :P

I go to bed around 10 or 11... sometimes later if a good program is on or a chapter wont end. I still sleep on the stupid air mattress as i dont think i will be able to get a bed until i get back from canada.

But for me, i suppose, i can still feel and see the old pravo sitting inside me looking up at me and wondering when im going to get my act together. Its rather reassuring. And when i do my art thats when the old pravo pokes his head up and takes over. Those are the best times for me. I forget the shit and i feel like the old me. So all is not lost! I have hope and still find myself laughing at things.

I dont want this blog to be woe is me thing. Im just being honest with myself really. If i can say here what i feel, and hope to be, then i reckon im just beginning a new 'self-fullfilling prphecy' as they say.

But anyways, it felt good to say this stuff. Im sure you are bored and if you got this far, wow, im not sure if i should thank you or suggest you get a hobby :)

Cheers!!

p

Friday, May 19, 2006


Ducati GT1000
OMG

this is the bike of my dreams... wet or otherwise.

ComicCon Bristol 2006

Ok I don't really know what the convention was called but I like my name for it best.

Anyways, the lovely Elf asked me to join her in Bristol for the comic convention. I happily obliged as seeing how I don't have a life something aside from the ordinary is always very welcome. Now I haven't actually collected or even read a traditional comic in years, but the formative years of my life were heavily steeped in the wonderful world of comic books. So I looked forward to a blast from the past! And also performed the role of 'Geek Shield' for Elf. She's cute as a button, and you cant help but wanna put her in your pocket. Unfortunately for her this also means that she is a Geek Electromagnet. Not just your ordinary magnet... an electromagnet... or if there's a neodymium magnet out there stronger... That's Elf... Geeks flock to her like Nerds to C++. Its almost a phenomenon. So I performed the role of dissuader... easily done as most Geeks (myself included here of course) immediately assume a Girl with a dood is taken... especially hot girls.

We shared a lift up with 2 mates of Elf's whom I will fondly dub Crackers and Big Red. These two are totally sound guys and closet fanboys. Big Red was going on a press pass and managed to blag the rest of us in for free! YAY! We got to the convention 45 mins early... which was a bit poo as that meant I didn't have to get up at 630am. arg.

So we basically just walked in... and had the place to ourselves. Not a huge venue really, I would have thought that the one of 2 big conventions in England would have had a larger representation. Dark Horse wasn't even there. But most of what was there was good. It had a decent line up from Tokyo Pop anime and of course boxes and boxes and tables and tables of die-hard classic comics. It was pretty much an old school Con with a peppering of Indy.

Elf and I had pretty much seen everything we wanted to see by the time the doors opened to let in the unwashed masses. Within an hour the temperature climbed 5 degrees and the smell got... thicker. Not a horribly unpleasant smell... but sort of a geek collective smell, mixed with unwashed pillow smell.

Elf and I got bored. Big Red was chasing artists and writers dragging Crackers everywhere. We decided to see who could find the biggest geek of them all. This ended up being reclassified (in my mind at least) into none Cosplay and Cosplay. Here's the biggest geek I could find. There were a few others that were serious Simpsons Androids Dungeon Look-alikes but this dood managed Geek with an uncompromising determination.



After that the Cosplays started showing up. This is when things got both interesting and weirdly surreal. Some people are well... I have no words. Pictures will speak for me...

Yes this is ash from Evil Dead... and he was very excited to be there.

These two were just... well... plasticy... She ended up staying inside for half and hour and then spending the rest of the day outside on a bench. I assume its because all that PVC made her a human oven and sweat factory.

I'm slightly confused by Tennis Boy with anime hair and his entourage. This wasn't helped by the fact that I wasn't sure if Tennis Boy was a boy... or the sex of his entourage... it was creepy.

This guy, fondly monikered '17stone Spiderman', stomped his way around the entire place. And when I say stomped.. I mean it! He didn't walk.. he stomped... like a 6 year old boy gleefully pounding his younger sisters painstakingly modeled Sand Castle with adjoining pony ranch. We could actually feel the floor vibrate with his passing. His costume was basically Spiderman PJ's... with shag carpet glued to the back. The spider logo made of the shag carpet looked like Pixel Art. HUGE squares stuck together that resembled more an alien from the original Space Invaders than the spidey logo.

I'm sorry the pics are blurry and in general crap... we were trying to be sneaky about the shots... Geeks are sensitive to bright light and sudden movement... it was like stalking the elusive Green Banded Mountain Lemur of East Rajikistan. Only we weren't all that worried about being eaten and these people are definitely not on any endangered species list.

We arrived at 9:15am... and left at 6pm. We had a few food breaks in between, which proved both difficult to find and when found... wholly crap. MMmmmmm dodgey Shrimp cocktail packaged sandwiches.

We finished the day with a pint at a bar and returned to exeter shattered. I bought 4 anime comics and Elf bought some new titles. All in all a good day out. The best part was seeing Crackers and Big Red fulfill dreams of meeting Artists they admired and grinning for Britain.

cheers all!

p

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Gallery



This post should be updated semiregularly and a link will be listed on the sidebar for those of you who are mildly interested. Click the pix for larger versions.

Cheers!

p

Undead Bed

The Evil Eye


Squish You're Dead


KitchenScape - Pixellated



KitchenScape - Proof


Game Over

200g of goodness

Equinox Eventuality

Cake

Love/Hate

Ikea Dreams

Cthuthlu Must be Dealt with

Cthulhu Red

Sofa Envy


Anti-Buddha
I Hate Walmart


The Saddest Titan

Fred Inside

I Am Titan, Hear Me Roar

Thursday, May 11, 2006

the 9 o clock news

Well, its that time of year. Work is very slow... so slow, its a crime i get paid. Mind you I am not complaining. The weather is absolutely stunning as well. If i get a suntan from sitting out back and smoking while reading catalogs and Murakami I think they might start to get suspicious!

Its been a turbulent week for me. There was an... 'incident' with Qtip and I. Qtip confided in an online friend and he took it upon himself to act as her knight in shining armour and slagged me off to my friends. This upset me greatly. Definately not something i really need in my life. I eventually spoke to Qtip about it and a lot of the rumours proved unfounded. But the slagging off by online asshole was a legitimate complaint by me and was soon sorted. If only people would actually fuckin talk to me if they have a problem with me instead of others. That way I wont hear it 3rd hand, fuck my own head up and stress and worry so goddamn much about something that never should have happened in the first goddamn place. Still a tad sore about it, can you tell?

So in order to prevent situations like the above i have backed out of Qtips life, changed my route to work so i dont pass her, not calling, nothing. If she needs space shes welcome to it i guess. To be honest it will most likely do me some good too. That and the upcoming visit to Canada!! It will be so nice to get a change of scenery. Old friends, family and Canadian beer. It should be great. And Dad and I might just go to Italy on the leg back to the UK! That should be great :)

Ummm... well im still 'arting' it up actually... A great new idea has come to fruition and I am awaiting my muse in human form to get back to me with advice. I have a feeling i know what hes gonna say though. If this print is successful it could really open up a lovely new area of study for me through my art.

I like the whole Mediator between here and the Otherworld thing... (minus the New Age hokey-ness) that my work seems to convey.

Im slowly coming to terms with my singleness. And actually might be getting to grips with the lonliness as well. My Zen is returning, slowly. But it is returning. The last year has really crushed my spirit looking back now. Im not the same boy i used to be. One could say thats because Ive grown up, but i would disagree. I just lost some of the Joi de Vie that used to vibrate inside me.

I guess although it wasnt a marriage, it was technically a commonlaw relationship that just about made it 3 years. The breakup would really have to be equated to a divorce i suppose. I mean, I dont enter relationships lightly, they are shedloads of work. That work better be friggin worth it. So when i do commit i do my best. Breaking that pretty much broke what i knew as a life.

Looking at the life i have now, its all rather jumbled and fuzzy. Ive been waiting so long for a change that now that i have one... im not entirely sure how to move again. I suppose you could say I have been living a life in Purgatory for the past 10 years... always waiting for someone to get thier stuff together. Granted, I have had my own stuff to get together but I dont mind saying that all in all Im not so bad at that.

They say your surroundings echo your soul, if thats true my soul is looking, temporary and vacant. My flat has a whole lot of very little in it. I did manage to get a free desk off a coworker this week, which immediately became a very good painting desk! Im quite happy with it. And i dont have to sit on the floor and get deadlegs and cranky knees! I still need an extension for some light though.

My bed is still an air mattress. I have contacted the pensions people today but havent heard from them as to the state of affairs of my cashed in pension check. If and when that arrives i will be able to get a real bed! YAY!

Dad might also buy me a nice sofa or something to sit on. Which would practically sort me out for a cozy flat.

wow i cant seem to stop typing.

Moving back to canada. Well, I guess this little holiday might shed some light on that. But for me... I will simply rest in the hands of Fate. Thats becoming easier now that my Zen is back. There is a longshot job back in Calgary, and if Fate wants me there... then thats where I'll be. If not, I am happy where I am. Lonely but happy... i think. Well I WILL be happier. I have my ups and downs.

Im on the Zyban now, been a couple days of it. Perhaps thats bouying my mood a little. Im counting on it to remove the Shakes when i drop the ciggies. It will be nice to save all that money again. And smoking hurts my chest.

Of course quitting one vice means i can start a new one! Hrmm... women or booze... women or booze...

well... I guess i will go now, It seems i have run out of steam... o and just called the pension office... cheque should be here next week! YAY!

cya all

p