Friday, April 29, 2005

Sorry.. heres another..


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Im having way too much fun with this... i have a feeling that that makes me a lesser person.

more terragen


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with a name like terragen i keep seeing genetic runaway dinosaurs.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

terragen


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OOO perdy... terragen is fun.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


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idunno in its purple version. i like it better i think.

what to do...

Hello Internetland!

Today I am feeling slightly funny. No not 'Haha' funny, a little more like 'wtf do i do now' funny. I will attempt to delve into the deep dark recesses of my soul to divine the source of my angst... haha ya right, deep and dark? more like wading pool shallow and slightly moody.

Called up the hunter last night for a bit of a gab... its cool cuz when i call him up its like I can pretend im just on the other side of the city and we have both just been busy so theres been no lurve. Course thats not the way it is and i could use his help. He gave me a verbal bitch slapping in probably the most constructive way I've ever had one. Its also slightly unnerving cuz he sees the excuses i make for myself, puts em on stage and throws rotten fruit and cabbages at em.

Somehow he sees something good in my art that i really have a difficult time seeing. I need some pajglasses. He mentioned 'impotent modernism'. I really like that... and i suppose i have played with that idea but never thought about it that way... it just was that way... it wasnt a concept i was aiming to portray but was portrayed anyway. so does that make me an 'impotent modern artist'?... it sorta does fit. Im not sure if i am ashamed to say that or slightly proud in a dirty way. ya your right.. the dirty way.

But what to do with it? i really dont want to go down the 'massive limp phallus'' of doom pictures thing which i probably would given half the chance and then get bored of it and move onto something worse like sacrifices to furniture gods.
If this is a recurring theme in my work then i dont want to milk it dry *snort! thats funny cuz of the importent thing* as will most definately just move on and feel lost again.

At the moment i'm more or less crapping words onto the screen and trying to pick out the peanuts. Theres a lot of verbage here but i think i can see something worth a few more thoughts out of all this.

Of course this shit will kill paj... i can here his voice now and i wish i could smack him.
'*intones whiney voice* but its so hard... and im so lazy... i just wanna play my pooter and wank instead of working on shit for a change'

grrr. i hate it when hes right. bastard.

So once again it comes down to that decision i fantasize about but am too cowardly to really grab hold of. actually commit to making art.

Ill think about it.

m

Tuesday, April 26, 2005




This is the Killing Jar. Sorta.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I dunno







damnit...

Ok i have cackloads of pics i wanna post but will HELLO and Picasa work for me? no... wank programs.

BUT will wonders never cease we actually have internet at HOME now! Its only been like lesse... jan 16 till.... saturday.. april 23 for them to fuckin figure out the problem. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THEY ARE ASSHOLES. and i havent had a cigarette since friday.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nervous Tension

Yes i know its been a week since i posted. And no i dont have a good reason for not posting. I could blame it on the zyban... but i dont really think its makin me coocoo for cocopops any more.

Nervous tension is building. 2 reasons. Today we may POSSIBLY be getting our sofa in the house. third time lucky eh?

Tomorrow is our quit date for smoking. I hope to fuckin god that the zyban does the trick. So im quite nervous about that. I really wanna quit and so does bry, 250£ a month is freakin ridiculous amount of money to piss away on bad health. whats that... like close to 600 canadian bucks a month... i had jobs that earned less than that in canada a month. I really wanna spend some money on me for a change.

on another note... i stumbled across this group while i was trolling for winamp skins no less... www.client-online.net... Client fuckin rocks. Mebbe pajman has the bling on me but i have betz he hasnt found this one yet. Im sexors incarnate.

l8z

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

karmic vengeance

Well a week off is all well and good but when it comes to balancing the karmic scales of laziness vs hard work i think karma should chill. The past week was hell on earth with a Music Conference making me actually RUN. here there and everywhere! it was poo. This week is a Drama Conference. Its more poo as the coordinator couldnt coordinate a pissup in a brewery. So my sloth is being repayed 10fold.

On a lighter note tho i have started the bi monthly attempt to quit smoking. This time tho is rather noteworthy. I have join the smokers equivalent of AA. Support groups are bizarre. The dynamic is completely random. It sheds an interesting light on the addiction of support groups portrayed in Fight Club. I dont care what anyone says i still love that film. The light note mentioned is the fact ive just started my prescription of Zyban. Im not sure but i think the MacMan did the zyban a few years back. Im feeling all rose-colored glasses at the moment. And i have fat hands. Or so it feels. Q-Tip is on the Zyban as well so we are partaking and nonpartaking together. Aint commitment great?

On the plastic side of things ive started making maps for warhammer email games. and i bought a palm sander on the weekend for some DIY. the plastic case it came in is only slightly smaller than a GW miniatures case but only cost 10 quid instead of 30. So its off to the local foam maker dood sometime soon to finally make a carryall for my army of DOOM.

Pajman sorry but i think until this week is over i cant do too much more on the map side of things... i have a resized map (and smaller) but havent got my measurements for the details sorted out yet. Its coming but slowly. And at the moment im too fuzzy to think.

Well i guess ill wander off now and stare at random objects without blinking now.

l8r

Monday, April 04, 2005

a weeks reprieve

Because i happen to be the luckiest sob i know i got a week off work paid without dippin into the holidays. School closure. the kids go home..i get a week off. yay!

The time was well spent forcing germans to retreat and strategic deployment of kvII tanks to punch holes in Panzer mark IV's. that and a load of painting was done. my army has expanded and soon shall be the terror of... well.. my front room mostly. but beware!! at least in the front room.

The rest of the time was occupied with another Haruki Murakami book that my socalled library finally got on. Kafka on the Shore. I love haruki. its nigh impossible these days to find an author who changes your mindstate at all in the dross of the best seller lists and beyond these days. But haruki never fails. never.

my uncle died of brain cancer last week. And since im here and hes in the great white north i was unable to attend the funeral. I hear it was lovely though and the mayor showed up for it. i guess my uncle was pretty high up on the big wig scale.. heavy hitters where pitchin eulogies. (mangled that analogy nicely i see)

Well... its conference week here in hexheketer uni... so im running around putting out fires and telling foreign guest speakers not to cry. other than that... not a whole hella lot new or diff.

o Q-tip (my partner in crime/life) and i have embarked on incredibly violent sorties every evening about an hour past sundown. slug hunts. she is determined to protect her garden plants and in doing so has overcome her fear of all things slimey. She now walks to an fro in the dark with the light of my camera phone in hand muttering 'die die.. oo a big one... DIE', as she nonchalantly pics up and disposes of slugs and snails in a jar of salt. its really quite macabre. im both afraid and guilty as i have helped her. afraid of her... and guilty for slug murder. sigh.

anyhoo... ill have to wander i guess... laters!

p