the 9 o clock news
Well, its that time of year. Work is very slow... so slow, its a crime i get paid. Mind you I am not complaining. The weather is absolutely stunning as well. If i get a suntan from sitting out back and smoking while reading catalogs and Murakami I think they might start to get suspicious!
Its been a turbulent week for me. There was an... 'incident' with Qtip and I. Qtip confided in an online friend and he took it upon himself to act as her knight in shining armour and slagged me off to my friends. This upset me greatly. Definately not something i really need in my life. I eventually spoke to Qtip about it and a lot of the rumours proved unfounded. But the slagging off by online asshole was a legitimate complaint by me and was soon sorted. If only people would actually fuckin talk to me if they have a problem with me instead of others. That way I wont hear it 3rd hand, fuck my own head up and stress and worry so goddamn much about something that never should have happened in the first goddamn place. Still a tad sore about it, can you tell?
So in order to prevent situations like the above i have backed out of Qtips life, changed my route to work so i dont pass her, not calling, nothing. If she needs space shes welcome to it i guess. To be honest it will most likely do me some good too. That and the upcoming visit to Canada!! It will be so nice to get a change of scenery. Old friends, family and Canadian beer. It should be great. And Dad and I might just go to Italy on the leg back to the UK! That should be great :)
Ummm... well im still 'arting' it up actually... A great new idea has come to fruition and I am awaiting my muse in human form to get back to me with advice. I have a feeling i know what hes gonna say though. If this print is successful it could really open up a lovely new area of study for me through my art.
I like the whole Mediator between here and the Otherworld thing... (minus the New Age hokey-ness) that my work seems to convey.
Im slowly coming to terms with my singleness. And actually might be getting to grips with the lonliness as well. My Zen is returning, slowly. But it is returning. The last year has really crushed my spirit looking back now. Im not the same boy i used to be. One could say thats because Ive grown up, but i would disagree. I just lost some of the Joi de Vie that used to vibrate inside me.
I guess although it wasnt a marriage, it was technically a commonlaw relationship that just about made it 3 years. The breakup would really have to be equated to a divorce i suppose. I mean, I dont enter relationships lightly, they are shedloads of work. That work better be friggin worth it. So when i do commit i do my best. Breaking that pretty much broke what i knew as a life.
Looking at the life i have now, its all rather jumbled and fuzzy. Ive been waiting so long for a change that now that i have one... im not entirely sure how to move again. I suppose you could say I have been living a life in Purgatory for the past 10 years... always waiting for someone to get thier stuff together. Granted, I have had my own stuff to get together but I dont mind saying that all in all Im not so bad at that.
They say your surroundings echo your soul, if thats true my soul is looking, temporary and vacant. My flat has a whole lot of very little in it. I did manage to get a free desk off a coworker this week, which immediately became a very good painting desk! Im quite happy with it. And i dont have to sit on the floor and get deadlegs and cranky knees! I still need an extension for some light though.
My bed is still an air mattress. I have contacted the pensions people today but havent heard from them as to the state of affairs of my cashed in pension check. If and when that arrives i will be able to get a real bed! YAY!
Dad might also buy me a nice sofa or something to sit on. Which would practically sort me out for a cozy flat.
wow i cant seem to stop typing.
Moving back to canada. Well, I guess this little holiday might shed some light on that. But for me... I will simply rest in the hands of Fate. Thats becoming easier now that my Zen is back. There is a longshot job back in Calgary, and if Fate wants me there... then thats where I'll be. If not, I am happy where I am. Lonely but happy... i think. Well I WILL be happier. I have my ups and downs.
Im on the Zyban now, been a couple days of it. Perhaps thats bouying my mood a little. Im counting on it to remove the Shakes when i drop the ciggies. It will be nice to save all that money again. And smoking hurts my chest.
Of course quitting one vice means i can start a new one! Hrmm... women or booze... women or booze...
well... I guess i will go now, It seems i have run out of steam... o and just called the pension office... cheque should be here next week! YAY!
cya all
p
Its been a turbulent week for me. There was an... 'incident' with Qtip and I. Qtip confided in an online friend and he took it upon himself to act as her knight in shining armour and slagged me off to my friends. This upset me greatly. Definately not something i really need in my life. I eventually spoke to Qtip about it and a lot of the rumours proved unfounded. But the slagging off by online asshole was a legitimate complaint by me and was soon sorted. If only people would actually fuckin talk to me if they have a problem with me instead of others. That way I wont hear it 3rd hand, fuck my own head up and stress and worry so goddamn much about something that never should have happened in the first goddamn place. Still a tad sore about it, can you tell?
So in order to prevent situations like the above i have backed out of Qtips life, changed my route to work so i dont pass her, not calling, nothing. If she needs space shes welcome to it i guess. To be honest it will most likely do me some good too. That and the upcoming visit to Canada!! It will be so nice to get a change of scenery. Old friends, family and Canadian beer. It should be great. And Dad and I might just go to Italy on the leg back to the UK! That should be great :)
Ummm... well im still 'arting' it up actually... A great new idea has come to fruition and I am awaiting my muse in human form to get back to me with advice. I have a feeling i know what hes gonna say though. If this print is successful it could really open up a lovely new area of study for me through my art.
I like the whole Mediator between here and the Otherworld thing... (minus the New Age hokey-ness) that my work seems to convey.
Im slowly coming to terms with my singleness. And actually might be getting to grips with the lonliness as well. My Zen is returning, slowly. But it is returning. The last year has really crushed my spirit looking back now. Im not the same boy i used to be. One could say thats because Ive grown up, but i would disagree. I just lost some of the Joi de Vie that used to vibrate inside me.
I guess although it wasnt a marriage, it was technically a commonlaw relationship that just about made it 3 years. The breakup would really have to be equated to a divorce i suppose. I mean, I dont enter relationships lightly, they are shedloads of work. That work better be friggin worth it. So when i do commit i do my best. Breaking that pretty much broke what i knew as a life.
Looking at the life i have now, its all rather jumbled and fuzzy. Ive been waiting so long for a change that now that i have one... im not entirely sure how to move again. I suppose you could say I have been living a life in Purgatory for the past 10 years... always waiting for someone to get thier stuff together. Granted, I have had my own stuff to get together but I dont mind saying that all in all Im not so bad at that.
They say your surroundings echo your soul, if thats true my soul is looking, temporary and vacant. My flat has a whole lot of very little in it. I did manage to get a free desk off a coworker this week, which immediately became a very good painting desk! Im quite happy with it. And i dont have to sit on the floor and get deadlegs and cranky knees! I still need an extension for some light though.
My bed is still an air mattress. I have contacted the pensions people today but havent heard from them as to the state of affairs of my cashed in pension check. If and when that arrives i will be able to get a real bed! YAY!
Dad might also buy me a nice sofa or something to sit on. Which would practically sort me out for a cozy flat.
wow i cant seem to stop typing.
Moving back to canada. Well, I guess this little holiday might shed some light on that. But for me... I will simply rest in the hands of Fate. Thats becoming easier now that my Zen is back. There is a longshot job back in Calgary, and if Fate wants me there... then thats where I'll be. If not, I am happy where I am. Lonely but happy... i think. Well I WILL be happier. I have my ups and downs.
Im on the Zyban now, been a couple days of it. Perhaps thats bouying my mood a little. Im counting on it to remove the Shakes when i drop the ciggies. It will be nice to save all that money again. And smoking hurts my chest.
Of course quitting one vice means i can start a new one! Hrmm... women or booze... women or booze...
well... I guess i will go now, It seems i have run out of steam... o and just called the pension office... cheque should be here next week! YAY!
cya all
p
posted by Marcus Dunning at 3:16 pm
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