Bone Weary
Its a rather dramatic title. Maybe too much so.. but i do actually feel the definition of the word weary right now. Perhaps im just having a bad day out of my 'good days and bad days' but i look around me at the carnage i have wrought and see naught but disarray, clumsiness, and botched attempts at being ... i dunno... real i guess.
I feel clumsy... and altho i am sincere and honest in everything ive got left in me, i think it might be working against me. My problems are my problems and sharing them or leaning on other people isnt always the best of ideas. Those other people also have problems, and perhaps they don't really need me burdoning them even more. Most people have full plates of their own.
Im not sure what i want... but i do know i need this trip to canada. It couldnt come at a better time. Family and friends and distance... from everything.. work, life here... im just gonna check out for a couple weeks. Leave my key at the desk and hope room service puts a mint on my pillow. I'll come back... im fairly certain. Im not about to chuck 5 years away because things arent going ticketyboo... but what i come back to... i hope will be clearer. I need direction, a goal, a plan, a purpose.
Everyone i suppose has periods of lacklustre living. Its natural... twisting in the breeze with no direction or end in sight. Of course these periods end. How they end, not sure, could be out of some action you can take of your own accord... or perhaps fate intervenes and puts something new in your path. Or perhaps you're fated to take action.. blah blah blah. dunno. And WHAT action? new job? new city? new friends? new... newness? i think im gonna get a tatoo. Its stupid and senseless but new and permanent. I could use a concrete decision that has a clear result. Might be refreshing :) And some would say immature. hell im 32... these decisions are usually made in the angsty teen years... i think i missed out on those to a large extent.
well... time for the topic tangent of the day...
Drinking 3 pints of Hobgoblin is a good thing... at 5% its a fun thing... at 1am deciding youre done... and then having a glass of wine... is a bad thing.
cheers
p
I feel clumsy... and altho i am sincere and honest in everything ive got left in me, i think it might be working against me. My problems are my problems and sharing them or leaning on other people isnt always the best of ideas. Those other people also have problems, and perhaps they don't really need me burdoning them even more. Most people have full plates of their own.
Im not sure what i want... but i do know i need this trip to canada. It couldnt come at a better time. Family and friends and distance... from everything.. work, life here... im just gonna check out for a couple weeks. Leave my key at the desk and hope room service puts a mint on my pillow. I'll come back... im fairly certain. Im not about to chuck 5 years away because things arent going ticketyboo... but what i come back to... i hope will be clearer. I need direction, a goal, a plan, a purpose.
Everyone i suppose has periods of lacklustre living. Its natural... twisting in the breeze with no direction or end in sight. Of course these periods end. How they end, not sure, could be out of some action you can take of your own accord... or perhaps fate intervenes and puts something new in your path. Or perhaps you're fated to take action.. blah blah blah. dunno. And WHAT action? new job? new city? new friends? new... newness? i think im gonna get a tatoo. Its stupid and senseless but new and permanent. I could use a concrete decision that has a clear result. Might be refreshing :) And some would say immature. hell im 32... these decisions are usually made in the angsty teen years... i think i missed out on those to a large extent.
well... time for the topic tangent of the day...
Drinking 3 pints of Hobgoblin is a good thing... at 5% its a fun thing... at 1am deciding youre done... and then having a glass of wine... is a bad thing.
cheers
p
posted by Marcus Dunning at 3:24 pm
4 Comments:
The problem is using the word ticketyboo. I swear if you stop using that word, your life will change in ways you can't imagine.
you might actually be on to something there... i try to use an odd word every day... not like a 90's powerword/tie thing.. but just to keep ppl on their toes... MAYBE karmically speaking... its backfiring and tripping me up!
also knowing who you are with your words of wisdom would be nice :)
p
Those of us in the mighty north await!
well I thought it might come to that.
Let's just say I've never met you, I think you were here when I was away, but I do know Paget and your bike stealing friend (actually have one of his prints on my wall) although I haven't seen them in about 6 years. How I got onto his site and therefore yours has something to do with drunkenness and googling.....Brad Harms? I can't remember. It could have been through some podcast site of Duncan's.
B and I go through a phase every year or so where we google people we like, hate, used to know etc. It can get quite involved and lengthy but sometimes we come up with people we weren't expecting to.
Anyway I came back because I liked your print and miss printing and felt bad for leaving you a drunken comment, then kind of just kept coming back.
Don't get a tatoo (esp. one that references ticketyboo, my grandma used to say that) later it will just remind you of a down time that you thought you could fix with a tatoo.
or....it really will change your life,(what the hell do I know?) in which case please do let us know (esp. if it says ticketyboo!)
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