Teetering on the Edge
I think it was Oscar Levant who said 'Theres a fine line between madness and genius. I have erased this line.' Not sayin im a genius or nothing.. but in some ways the removal of a line of definition is more reassuring than knowing which side of the line you lie... The removal of the line removes the concern for ones mental state. This fuzzy land of grey shades is much more relaxing... sort of like staring at television static and finding figures in the chaos. TV static is modern mans/womans firegazing... sure we all can still firegaze, more-so if you like camping or happen to be an avid piromaniac... but in our everyday lives we dont get access to a truly 'free' fire. Yes i know loads of people with those gas fireplaces in their homes... ceramic lookalike logs and trendy modern fixings... those arent free fires... those are fabricated... they dont count.
BUT everyone i know... bar a few oddies and really poor people, has a tele... and all they have to do is disconnect it and you have static! YAY! try it sometime soon... disconnect the signal and stare at the static... like u used to as a kid.. get up real close... bathe in the cathode ray goodness... close enough to see the red green and blue things.. and just disconnect your brain... you see things and no-things. That fuzzy grey state lives in the static... nothing matters there.. its almost a tangent from reality for me. if you have one of those crap tv's that makes static a blue background... turn that option off :P
In ancient Sanskrit/Hinduism/Bhuddism, and also possibly the roots of zen, Shiva had a lover named Devi... they have these long winded conversations on enlightnenment... one of the passages they talk about breathing and that little space of no-thing between breaths; at the height of the breath, where you stop inhaling and start exhaling and the bottom of the breath where you stop exhaling and return to inhaling... those peaks and troughs... that instant split second of time... thats the greyness too... that tiny little place where time stops and mental state becomes null and void. That place... like losing yourself in static... is where the dividing line between and 'cookoo for cocopops' and ordinary man, once erased, becomes a reassuring state of stillness.
Ok dont bother rereading all that... i think its way too rambly and disjointed to make ANY sense... but it sorta just came to me... i think i need to start meditating again.
All that stuff i just wrote was inspired by the upcoming dividing line in my life. Monday i will (supposedly) know whether or not i got a job in Canada. Or so i have been told. Up untill now, I've been wavering and fluffing up my life. Once that line is crossed and a decision made... i will have direction for the first time in... well... years... at least. Thats scares the ever loving shit outta me. But its also exciting.
Obviously i can't erase this temporal line on monday... although if the Monster Raving Loony Party here in Britain got into power they WOULD abolish mondays... its in their charter... as well as February's as they are too cold. I think i should sign up... they rock. I digress... so this event horizon is looming. Deep down... part of me is still undecided... but i find myself leaning towards making a life here... in the fungus archipelago that I call Britain. Sure, my friends have moved on or are about to... and i have to disentangle myself from certain people i love/care so much about so that being with them hurts too much... but this is LIFE. like i said in a previous post... you can't run from it... it just comes back pissed off.
Today i measured out the dimensions of my flat and went to two local department stores looking at beds... this was exciting! I found these two;
Bed number 1
Bed number 2
Bed 1 is from Debenams... a large retail department store... sorta bog standard and not really much to wow about.. it is affordable tho and has a very very easy payment plan... bed, sidetable and mattress are on sale.
Bed 2 is from Habitat... sort of an upmarket Ikea... very shiek and cooool... much more my style but a bit more money.. the payments would be twice as much but i would also get a really cool underbed drawer thingy, and sidetable. I gotta spend £1k to get the good payment plan. I'm very tempted by this bed... very very. I'd pay it off in a year... and all that includes a very good mattress. It is also on sale.
Now, reason or desire? and of course is there even a point? I can only make a decision after the job thing pans out but this sorta stuff really takes my mind off of the poo and makes me think i can really make a go at making a life for myself. Sure its all material crap but it does represent me making a serious go of being a grownup, or at least it does to me.
Oh, and that leads me wonderfully into my new art project! Actually it doesnt but I dont care.
I started a new print (one of a few in this current line of reasoning) this week! I have to thank Duncan for this one as he gave me some really great advice, and paj as his work helped me move into this train of thought. chooo chooooo! Im not sure if i want to divulge too much at this early stage as i have only done one bite/proof and have yet to iron out kinks but this work is really quite the stretch for me and im quite excited about it! I just hope its as successful as i want it to be :) I will definately keep you posted and put the first final proof up for youre critique! eeeee! so excited!
Well I thought id let you all know whats what in Pravoland. And now I have. I always feel bad writing this much... especially when half of it is mumbo jumbo stupid shit... but there ya go... its my blog and i can say whatever i freakin want :P
loads of love n cuddles
p
BUT everyone i know... bar a few oddies and really poor people, has a tele... and all they have to do is disconnect it and you have static! YAY! try it sometime soon... disconnect the signal and stare at the static... like u used to as a kid.. get up real close... bathe in the cathode ray goodness... close enough to see the red green and blue things.. and just disconnect your brain... you see things and no-things. That fuzzy grey state lives in the static... nothing matters there.. its almost a tangent from reality for me. if you have one of those crap tv's that makes static a blue background... turn that option off :P
In ancient Sanskrit/Hinduism/Bhuddism, and also possibly the roots of zen, Shiva had a lover named Devi... they have these long winded conversations on enlightnenment... one of the passages they talk about breathing and that little space of no-thing between breaths; at the height of the breath, where you stop inhaling and start exhaling and the bottom of the breath where you stop exhaling and return to inhaling... those peaks and troughs... that instant split second of time... thats the greyness too... that tiny little place where time stops and mental state becomes null and void. That place... like losing yourself in static... is where the dividing line between and 'cookoo for cocopops' and ordinary man, once erased, becomes a reassuring state of stillness.
Ok dont bother rereading all that... i think its way too rambly and disjointed to make ANY sense... but it sorta just came to me... i think i need to start meditating again.
All that stuff i just wrote was inspired by the upcoming dividing line in my life. Monday i will (supposedly) know whether or not i got a job in Canada. Or so i have been told. Up untill now, I've been wavering and fluffing up my life. Once that line is crossed and a decision made... i will have direction for the first time in... well... years... at least. Thats scares the ever loving shit outta me. But its also exciting.
Obviously i can't erase this temporal line on monday... although if the Monster Raving Loony Party here in Britain got into power they WOULD abolish mondays... its in their charter... as well as February's as they are too cold. I think i should sign up... they rock. I digress... so this event horizon is looming. Deep down... part of me is still undecided... but i find myself leaning towards making a life here... in the fungus archipelago that I call Britain. Sure, my friends have moved on or are about to... and i have to disentangle myself from certain people i love/care so much about so that being with them hurts too much... but this is LIFE. like i said in a previous post... you can't run from it... it just comes back pissed off.
Today i measured out the dimensions of my flat and went to two local department stores looking at beds... this was exciting! I found these two;
Bed number 1
Bed number 2
Bed 1 is from Debenams... a large retail department store... sorta bog standard and not really much to wow about.. it is affordable tho and has a very very easy payment plan... bed, sidetable and mattress are on sale.
Bed 2 is from Habitat... sort of an upmarket Ikea... very shiek and cooool... much more my style but a bit more money.. the payments would be twice as much but i would also get a really cool underbed drawer thingy, and sidetable. I gotta spend £1k to get the good payment plan. I'm very tempted by this bed... very very. I'd pay it off in a year... and all that includes a very good mattress. It is also on sale.
Now, reason or desire? and of course is there even a point? I can only make a decision after the job thing pans out but this sorta stuff really takes my mind off of the poo and makes me think i can really make a go at making a life for myself. Sure its all material crap but it does represent me making a serious go of being a grownup, or at least it does to me.
Oh, and that leads me wonderfully into my new art project! Actually it doesnt but I dont care.
I started a new print (one of a few in this current line of reasoning) this week! I have to thank Duncan for this one as he gave me some really great advice, and paj as his work helped me move into this train of thought. chooo chooooo! Im not sure if i want to divulge too much at this early stage as i have only done one bite/proof and have yet to iron out kinks but this work is really quite the stretch for me and im quite excited about it! I just hope its as successful as i want it to be :) I will definately keep you posted and put the first final proof up for youre critique! eeeee! so excited!
Well I thought id let you all know whats what in Pravoland. And now I have. I always feel bad writing this much... especially when half of it is mumbo jumbo stupid shit... but there ya go... its my blog and i can say whatever i freakin want :P
loads of love n cuddles
p
posted by Marcus Dunning at 5:15 pm
1 Comments:
briefly, bed number 2 has always appealed to me but then I realized I would pile stuff up on the sides and probably kick it off in the night or what have you.....it´s just too tempting to put stuff there.
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